Faithful & True Ministries Newsletter

Space still available at our training event for clinicians and pastors

Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction - October 11-12

November Men's Workshop

Our next workshop coming November 1-3

Our Men's Workshops are a cornerstone of our ministry, and a key turning point in the lives of the many men who attend. Our next workshop will be held September 20 - 22, and there is still space for more men to attend. (The next workshop will be November 1-3.) See the other article in this newsletter for more information about these workshops.

Men's Workshops are three day events of teaching and small group interaction led by Dr. Laaser designed to help men break free from compulsive sexual behavior. The focus of the workshops are not just on strategies to stop the behaviors, but on getting below the surface and understanding the needs and hurts that drive them.

We now supplement our workshops with optional follow up recovery coaching. Since many of the men who attend the workshops come from other parts of the country, recovery coaching - which is done over the phone - can be a helpful follow-up strategy for those who don't have access to local sex-addiction recovery resources.

How many church leaders are struggling with pornography today?

We work with a wide variety of men, many of whom are active in their churches, and some who are church leaders. So our ears perked up when we came across the following statistic:

In an anonymous survey conducted by Leadership magazine, seven out of 10 lay leaders in the church admitted to visiting adult Web sites at least once a week. When pastors were asked the same question, four out of 10 said they did the same. If that many of our leaders struggle, what do you think is happening in the pews? Also disturbing here is the fact that those addicted to pornography will lie in surveys such as these.

This is an excerpt from Mark Brouwer's (our director of training) blog. The specific article can be found here.

Common Questions from Sex Addicts

Over the years, we've fielded many questions from sex addicts about their struggle, and how treatment might work. Here are four common questions that come up, and our responses:

1. I'm a committed Christian man. I know what I'm doing is wrong. Why can't I stop by just reading my Bible or praying more? Are you sure I don't simply need more faith?

Yours is a common story. Paul said, "the good that I would, I do not. The evil that I would not, that is what I do. What a wretched man am I." (Rom. 7:18,24) We are double-minded and inheritors of original sin. As addicts, we are powerless without God's help. We need to learn how to have more intimate fellowship with God and with others. It is not that we don't have faith. we don't know how to pursue a relationship with Christ is the most humble and willing ways. A part of all sex addicts doesn't want to give up the addiction. We must really surrender and find true accountability. Our workshops offer the emotional and spiritual tools to start you on a healing journey of doing just that.


2. My wife doesn't know about my sexual acting out. Do I have to tell her? What about my children?

Eventually you will want to tell her. You won't want to live another day without the true intimacy of really being known. You won't want to wonder whether or not she would leave if she found out. You won't want to tell her every detail of your acting out, but you will want her to know the general nature of it. It is important to find a truly humble and willing heart first. You should also be totally commited to your marriage and to sobriety from all sexual sins before you talk to her. You may need the help of a pastor or counselor to get honest with her. Your wife will also need lots of support. Don't expect her to just forgive and forget. Rebuilding trust and finding true intimacy will be a lifetime journey. My workbook, Faithful and True, discusses truth telling in greater detail.


My book, Talking to Your Kids About Sex, goes into detail about why it might be important to tell your own children about your story. My experience has been that just as you were lonely thinking that your sexual thoughts were unique to you and that you were awful for having them, your kids may be thinking the same way. Wouldn't it be more helpful to them to know that they are not alone and not unique. Is it not better to let kids know that people struggle with problems and that there are healthy ways out. The greatest enemy of sexual health for your children is silence.


3. What should I tell others if I go to one of your workshops? I sure don't want to say I'm going to a conference on sexual addiction!

No, tell them that your going to a conference on sexual health and that your intention is to lead a life of sexual integrity. Give it a Promiskeepers or proactive type of spin. Or just tell them that your going to a conference with men to help you be the kind of man you want to be. Men's conferences or workshops are commonplace today. Few people will ask further questions if you use that language to describe one of our events.


4. I'm scared to admit this (and very ashamed), but my situation is different. I don't act out with women. My sex partners are other men. The pornography I use involves men, not women. Will the other participants in groups or workshops you conduct be comfortable with me there?

You are not alone. We find that about 10% of the men who come to us are struggling with same-sex issues. in our groups and workshops, there usually will be other men who can relate to your story. We have never found that the men react negatively to these kinds of stories. Usually quite the opposite effect happens. We heal faster when we discover that we all need healthy fellowship with other men. We all have more things in common regardless of our sexual histories. We have also found that the Holy Spirit always brings people to our groups and workshops who have stories that can be helpful to each other. We could tell you many stories of homosexual and heterosexual men who have become best friends, in totally healthy ways, at our workshops.